


If I Could Tell You What's Next (I'd Make You Believe, I'd Make You Forget)

by katebishoop



Series: tumblr prompts [15]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Episode Tag, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Season/Series 03 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 17:23:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6575260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katebishoop/pseuds/katebishoop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Shut up!” Clarke yells. Clarke is one second away from launching at her again. <i>Don’t let her get to you.</i> Her voice gets dangerous, murderous - protective. “You don’t know him.”</p><p>“But I do know him, Clarke.” Raven’s smile is vile. “I know him better than you do, since I’ve been <i>with</i> him longer than you have.”</p><p>---<br/>Bellamy has always been Clarke's weakness. That's something ALIE sees, and exploits.<br/>Spoilers for 3x11</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Could Tell You What's Next (I'd Make You Believe, I'd Make You Forget)

**Author's Note:**

> **anonymous asked:** I know you have the 100 ways to say I love you thing going on but if you're up to it: bellarke + [come on get higher - matt nathanson](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zY50ZptRC5g) \+ 3x11 or any point in canon

When Clarke first sees Bellamy there, in the forest, she releases a breath she hadn’t even realized she’d been holding. It hadn’t occurred to her that Bellamy could have been one of the zombified Arkadians, or something worse. But there he was safe - beat up, bloody, but _safe_ \- and she was so _relieved_.

He’s here. He’s not with ALIE, or with Pike. He’s _here_.

It feels so strange, yet so right, as they fall back into step with one another. Co-leaders, partners, _friends_. He breathes out, she breathes in. They're in sync; it’s completely natural - it feels vaguely like _home_.

But she knows they have a lot to talk about, that things aren’t fixed at all, but all that has to wait. They have to focus on saving Raven, that’s their priority. They both understand that.

He had bandaged her hand too tightly, but she didn’t want to correct him. She longed to feel him again, the brush of his fingers against the back of her hand. She missed his touch, his presence, his snark, his smile. That small smile - God, it was barely even there, but it brought a warm feeling to her chest.

“Take a break. I’ll let her beat me up for a while.” He had said.

And she had wanted to reply: _haven’t you been beaten up enough?_ But she hadn’t said anything.

And now she was regretting that.

“Does it bother you that you don't get any credit for the genocide at Mount Weather?” With only curtains for doors, Raven’s voice can be heard clear as day throughout the outpost. It’s chilling, hearing these harsh words come out of her friend’s mouth. But it’s not Raven. It’s not. “But you murdered all those people, too, and you're just forgotten.”

 _“I bear it so they don’t have too.”_  She had told him when she needed to leave.

 _“I need the guy who wouldn’t let me pull that lever in Mount Weather by myself."_ She had told him when she needed him.

“Then again, you didn't get any credit for the culling on the Ark, either. How many people suffocated when you threw away my radio?”

 _"Three-hundred people are going to die today, because of you!"_ She had screamed at him when they found said radio.

 _"Now he has to live with it."_ She had said, when Raven tried to attack him after their mission failed.

“You know, at least Clarke was saving her own people. You were just saving your own ass.”

Clarke’s shoulders tense at the sound of her name. Her whole body is screaming, to object. Bellamy gives  _everything_ for their people-

“Of course that's nothing compared to killing your own mom.” Raven’s taunts. She doesn’t need to see Bellamy’s face to know what it looks like right now. “You just had to take little sister to her first dance. You might as well just shoved Aurora out of the airlock yourself.”

“Do you think she'd be proud of you now for the kind of leader you've become, or would she see the truth like the rest of us do, that you're a follower?” Raven goes on, and Clarke wants to run back in there.

 _"No, I'm not. My mother... if she knew what I've done, who I am... She raised me to be better, to be good, but all I do is hurt people. I'm a monster."_ He had opened up to her, leaning against that tree, sitting in front of the first - but God, not the last, _why couldn't it have been the last?_ \- man he killed.

“Clarke's been back for one day, you're already taking orders, the good, little knight by his queen's side.”

No. No, it wasn’t like that. They were co-leaders, partners. They were equals. Together. A _we_. They _had_ been on opposite sides, but they had never been like that. Not the way ALIE was saying. She never saw it that way, but… had he?

“Too bad you were never that devoted to Gina.”

_Gina... who…?_

And then, he finally speaks. His voice low and still: “You don't know what you're talking about.”

“Don't worry. Gina was already dead when Mount Weather blew up.”

She recalls his face, when Raven’s crying voice had come over the radio. Etched with anger, despair, like he’d been shot in chest. She recalls the tears in his eyes, the pain in his voice, the utter _betrayal_ in his eyes.

And suddenly, she knows exactly who Gina was. _What_ she had been. A missing piece falling into place.

 _“I won’t let anyone else die for that for mistake.”_ He had told her, as justification.

Her head is spinning, thoughts scrambling. But that’s all cut short when Raven’s voice fills the room again.

“And you avenged her, right? I mean, you picked up a gun and slaughtered an army that was sent to protect us-”

“Niylah!” Clarke yells, running after the woman, “ _Niylah-_ you can’t be in here-”

But it’s too late.

Why is she always too late to help him?

She wants to follow him outside. She wants to ask him if he’s okay.

(When she had done that earlier in the night. He looked surprised, and that made her heart clench a little. Was he surprised that she had asked him, or that anyone had asked at all?)

She wants to comfort him. To offer up forgiveness - she’ll give that to him. She’ll always give that to him, she’s been aching to. But she's not sure if he'll take it.

“How does it feel, Clarke?” Raven’s voice is like ice down her spine, bringing her out of her thoughts.

She turns slowly to face her. She’s taunting, goading, smug. Clarke keeps having to remind herself that she - that this isn’t Raven. The person speaking has Raven’s face, but not her soul.

“How does it feel,” Raven says, again, cocking her head to the side. “Knowing that you helped turn him into a monster?”

Clarke’s hands clench into fists. She doesn’t want to let ALIE get to her again, but this is about _Bellamy…_

He’s always been her weakness.

 _“Oh, please. Please don't. I'll do anything. I... I'll stop fighting. Just please don't kill him.”_ She’d say those words again in a heartbeat. His life was worth more than hers. She still believed that.

“You sent him into Mount Weather like a good little soldier,” Raven sneers, “You told him that his life was worth the risk. Did he ever tell you the torture he suffered in there? The cages? Being drained like livestock?”

For a split second, everything stops. No. He hadn't- he hadn't said anything about that...

She had asked him if he was okay, when they first made radio contact. He responded that he was “fine” then too.

“Probably not, there wouldn’t have been time,” Raven’s voice gets sickly sweet, and Clarke’s not sure if that's better or worse. “Since you abandoned him the first chance you got.”

“You told him to take care of everyone else, but who was going to take care of him?” Raven goes on, “Who was going to reign in that monster?”

 _“Shut up!”_ Clarke yells. She's is one second away from launching at her again. _Don’t let her get to you_. Her voice gets dangerous, murderous - protective. “You don’t know him.”

“But I do know him, Clarke.” Raven’s smile is vile. “I know him better than you do, since I’ve been _with_ him longer than you have.”

Clarke feels tears pricking at her eyes. This _isn’t-_

“Like I said, you’re poison.” Clarke’s seeing red - so much so that she can barely make out Raven’s sinister expression. “And he’s next.”

* * *

When Clarke walks out of Niylah’s trading post, her eyes immediately search for him.

He’s standing by the gate, farther back from the group, shifting from foot to foot. He glances up at sees her, before looking down and away.

She’s had enough of _away_.

He looks up at her when she gets close though. She wonders if he feels it to - that pull in her heart.

She takes his bloodied hand - _he beats himself up now, too?_ \- the bandage job he did was even worse than the one he did on her. His hand is warm, swollen, under her fingertips as she fixes it.

“You’ll recover.” _You’ll get through this._ It’s not as much reassurance as she wants to give him, but they don’t have much time. A longer conversation will have to wait.

“Will I?” There's a slight crack in his voice.

Clarke looks up at him. His eyes are pained, and she longs for them to just be able to go back to the start. To Unity Day, maybe. Where there was light and laughter in his eyes. But they can never go back.

Bellamy gives her a small shrug, a tick of the shoulders. “What do you do when you realize that you might not be the good guy?”

 _“I tried to be the good guy.”_ She had told her mother through her tears, after murdering three hundred people to save her own.

She looks him directly in the eye, sending a silent message just like they used to. He swallows - nervous.

Her mother replied with something that stuck with her, just as much as her father’s talk about forgiveness has.

“Maybe there are no good guys.”

They both had done terrible things - neither of their backs were big enough for the all those they had killed. They both put their faith in different people - Lexa and Pike - neither of them good people. Kane hadn’t started out a good guy; Finn hadn’t died a good guy. She still doesn’t know where Murphy stands.

But if there’s one thing that Clarke does know? It’s that they are better together. They are better leaders, they are better _people_ , when they are together.

And she knows that he is not a monster. And she knows that she has wronged him. And she knows that he has scars deep in his soul that haven’t healed.

But she wasn’t going anywhere. Never again. She missed him too much.

She owed him too much.

Bellamy opens his mouth, like he means to say something else, but then the rover’s backing up towards them. It’s time to go. They’ll always put their people above themselves.

They’ll talk later. Clarke will make sure of that.

**Author's Note:**

> okay so like… I actually had I really hard time with this… in connecting it with the song… to me this fits with everything but the chorus... cause I am unable to make happy canon fic rn...
> 
> prompts are open over on [tumblr](http://bellakeyblake.tumblr.com)!


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